Trigger warning: satirical anti-rapist, anti-child molester, anti-national annexation, anti-school shooter, anti-alligator opinions expressed in this humourous/not-so-humourous PSA. If you have contrary beliefs in these areas, please be advised.

*This Presidential Dicktionary (Visiting Americer) is for Canadians who may be confused by the dissonance of their neighbour as they scramble around, saying “Sorry-not sorry,” and looking for the off switch on the “Canadian Wildfire Smoke” machine . . .

This is an abridged dicktionary, it offers a selection of words ending in “or” and “er,” including words ending in “a” when pronounced with an affected Queens accent, as in “Russier, if you’re listening . . .”

Alligator: n, deputized reptilian ICE officer in Florider “Not a lotta people know this, but it’s totally legal, it’s BEAUTIFUL! Trust me.” (Makes chomping motion with arms and flashes dentalwork)

Arnold Palmer: i.) n (pro golfer), as in, “Palmer, he’s all man, trust me;” ii.) n, beverage (when they’re out of Diet Coke)

Bloviator: n, the 45th and 47th POTUS

Californyer: n (place), as in, “a shithole Dem state run by a weak—he’s weak like a dog—governor”

Canader: n (place), a nasty place, “basically commie, they have speed limits on the golf courses, and JUSTIN, (sucks teeth audibly) . . . not that good looking, trust me.”

Deporter: n, armed, deputized, masked umm . . . “terrorist-patriots” who “relocate illegals” and by so-designating them, remove the American constitutional right that says if the government keeps a person in jail, it is obligated to explain why. This is the habeas corpus talk. So: Your 17-year-old, dark-haired, well-melanated daughter happens to be out in the fields at harvest time, before she heads over to cheerleader practice (Go! Huskers!), when a U-haul filled with anonymous armed gunmen pulls up and takes away every person there. Those captured in the round-up, including your daughter, are summarily chained and deported to a foreign jail that has essentially bought them, like livestock. A well-botoxed FOX News anchor declares “another victory in the war on U.S. Border invaders,” and your daughter—now an illegal invader—is not permitted to contact you. We are told that millions of American citizens voted in support of this.

Draft Dodger: n, 45th and 47th POTUS (see also, Bone Spur, in the words ending in ‘ur” Presidential Dicktionary)

Epsteiner: adj, degenerates who appear on the pre-redacted Epstein list, synonyms: frequent flier; island hopper; Molestor in Chief

Farm Worker: (archaic) n, persons once employed in agricultural occupations in the U.S.A. see also deporter and invader

Florider: n (place), a “great place to be rich;” also good for incarcerating the poor and storing Top Secret files

Gerrymander: n/v, what is done in Texas when waiting for wall-building supplies and illegally reallocated funding

Gud Speller: n, someone who spells gud, synonym: “very stable genius”

Imaginary Accordian Player: n, (see image) one who plays the imaginary accordian whenever they lie (reference: Pinocchio, Pants on Fire)

Invader: n, the target of deporters. (Pro Tip: don’t forget to toss out that apple in the cupholder before you attempt to cross the border in Abbotsford—it could get you a free trip to El Salvador!)

Minor: n, a person molested by degenerates without any blow-back from MAGA or “Christians”

Never-Trumper: n, lucid individual

Obamer: n, person accused of being born outside America, despite indisputable evidence to the contrary

Oranger: adj, (an angry, shouted command) instruction to the make-up team; to darken; “Make it oranger, damn it!”

Payer: v, (command) “when she threatens to expose your crimes, you pay her,” see also “NDA”

Prayer: v, what some people, “even if they are terrific Christians,” don’t have to do because, “they are perfect, trust me”

Pushover (Pussies): n, golf clubs that allow gimmes in their club championship, synonym: cheater

Schutzstaffel Reichsführer: n (title), White House Deputy Chief of Staff

Shooter: i.) n, individual who shoots a weapon, including Thomas Matthew Crooks, who has mysteriously been forgotten since killing and critically wounding audience members on July 15, 2024, at a political rally in Pennsylvania ii.) n, a person firing an AR-15 or similar weapon in a public place (there’s a new one every few days) “Guns don’t kill people, low water pressure in the shower kills people . . . “

Trumper: n, as in, “SCOTUS has a Trumper majority”

Vaginer: n, “the place they let you grab when you’re famous”

Viler: adj, measurement, as in, “Who is viler, Marjorie Taylor Greene, FLOTUS, or Ghislaine?”

Voter: n, what “radical Dems” are accused of stealing; what may disappear in future U.S. politics

Younger: adj, a certain Epstein island-hopper’s openly stated preference in companions, as in, “Great guy, Epstein . . . like me, he likes ’em younger” (also see Epsteiner, Minor, Payer, Vaginer, Viler)